I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
