no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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