Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
