a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
