p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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