Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
