Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
