If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
