hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.