Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum