I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.