Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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