i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.