she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.