i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
