It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.