I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.