I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
