We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.