he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
