I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
