I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
