i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
