i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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