Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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