As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
