I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
