I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
