he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
