i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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