My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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