Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
