great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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