oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's get the cat blown out
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