Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
