What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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