$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Houston, we have a blender
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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