Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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