just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
