I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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