There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
