your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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