how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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