you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
