i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
