Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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