just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
