Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
