Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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