Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
