Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
not ubering you a puppy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
