i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have tasted many bathrooms
All the doctor said was why
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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