He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
