so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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