there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
