I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
