"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
