Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
