True but thats because hes a fetus.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
