dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
