ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You made out with two different species that night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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