ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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