Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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