I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
