sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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