eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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