i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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