my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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