smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
