I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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