Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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