the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
