I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
