Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got inside last night via doggy door
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
