I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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