u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
