I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We are two peas in an std pod
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
