i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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