I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
