I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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