"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
