nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sext me about skeletons
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
