and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
