He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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