Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
