What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
