you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
