Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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