been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.