We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know