I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
third nipple confirmed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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