Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

Was it cool?

(1-904): View more from Florida

About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

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(320): View more from Minnesota

so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

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(765): View more from Indiana

did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...

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23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"

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(813): View more from Florida

Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.

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(941): View more from Florida

Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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(807): View more from Ontario

Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

(519): View more from Ontario

does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW

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