So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
