An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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