We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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