if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
