your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
